I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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