her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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