i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
