you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
