my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
