DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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