Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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