so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
