After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
