last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
