she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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