I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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