My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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