In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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