when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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