Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
