when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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