my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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