That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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