meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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