Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
