The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
