i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
it's like heaven, but drunker
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize