You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
