haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
