Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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