I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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