my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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