I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
