I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
