I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
