Whod you bang
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
