Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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