I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
