I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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