i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
