As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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