Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
