her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Damn victory sex feels great
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
