Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
