Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
