the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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