something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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