ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
