ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
wow bdsm is so cute
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize