he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
