It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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