Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
