Walk of Shame. In a state park.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
