Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
