Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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