so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
