Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
