Apparently you make a good broom.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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