Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
