I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
