Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
This is the high leading the old right now
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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