All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
