She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
This is classic penis vs brain.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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