you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
