Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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