wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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