Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
