You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
