I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
