So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
