We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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