So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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