I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think your dad took our porno
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
