I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
