She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize