I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
