he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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