I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
