every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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