I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
