you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
