Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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